HIV INFECTION AND ITS EFFECTS ON THE EMOTIONS: GUILT AND SELF-WORTH-WHAT PEOPLE FEEL GUILTY ABOUT
Posted: under HIV.
One of the many peculiarities of HIV is the amount of guilt it seems to inspire. People feel guilty for having become infected. They feel they are somehow to blame for having gotten the virus, that they brought it on themselves. “I feel a little guilt,” said Steven. “I should have known to practice safer sex, even though at the time I got infected, no one even knew the virus was around. I know how stupid that sounds, but I feel guilty anyway.” They feel guilty about bringing HIV infection into the lives of other people: about putting their partners or spouses at risk, about having those closest to them go through the trauma of caregiving, about telling their children they have HIV infection, about distressing their parents, their families, and their friends. Many people also feel guilt about the behavior that put them at risk in the first place. The behaviors that exposed most people to the virus—gay lovemaking and intravenous drug use—are behaviors of which society often disapproves. For many people, social disapproval is distressing, and they feel isolated and punished. Sometimes they unconsciously take social disapproval on themselves as guilt. “A lot of us took society’s view,” said Dean, “and felt guilty about being gay.” The same is generally true for IV drug users: “I was real upset with myself,” said Helen. “This disease makes me feel like I’ve been a dirty person, and I’m not. I’m a clean person.” Even those whose exposure to the virus came through conditions society does not disapprove of—blood transfusions, hemophilia—still feel guilty. They feel they are to blame for involving their families in a disease that is socially isolating, and for putting their spouses at risk. Lisa said her husband had been afraid their daughters would say, “What did you do to our family?” Even caregivers feel guilt. Steven’s mother feels that if she had been a better mother, Steven would not have been gay and come in contact with the virus. June feels guilty that she will probably survive her son.
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